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Signs of Cheating ( Infidelity ) or an Affair Checklist.

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38 Signs of Cheating ( or Infidelity known as an Affair ) (cheating spouse, lover, sweetheart, companion, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband)

Before you jump to conclusions, stay objective and realize that people change over time and may naturally become less attentive, less wanting to go out, etc. There may be a period of differences or the stress of having a modern household, employment and the stress of modern society.

Many times having a large number of these signs can simply mean that you both need to work on your behavior, intimacy, patience, kindness and affection, and even your personal appearance and manner. Being "needy", "clingy" and "too available" seldom works either. The point of all this is that relationships take work. People do stray or flirt, and usually they have some rationalization or excuse, which may be a reality or mere perception. COUNSELING can sometimes help. The point is that most people can only change themselves.

And no one wants much to be around an angry, nagging, irritable, needy, volatile, mean, selfish or argumentative person, or someone that makes no attempt at self-improvement nor any effort in their personal appearance. And many experts believe that humans are NOT highly monogamous. That trait has highly aided survival of our species, and is built into the genes. Don't be totally surprised or disgusted when people act in the true nature of humans. It is a fact of life that ATTRACTIVENESS is many things, but it is called attractiveness for a reason. Plenty of Not Beautiful people are VERY Attractive, in many ways. One way is to be enjoyable to be around!
The idea is to work on the relationship and ourselves, and be aware when things are getting out of hand. That's what this list is about.

There may even be a new interest or hobby that you don’t know about. If you have questions about some of these with regard to your real specific case, you
may contact us for suggestions. (one free 15 minute consultation is also available). *Disclaimer below.

At least three of these signs should be a minimum for concern. Item 1, Opportunity and Access is a common requirement for there to be flirtation or infidelity. That can be a priority to try to prevent if flirting is observed; But nobody wants to controlled or treated like a child. Some honesty can even help. Like "Is someone coming on to you?" Talk to a good counselor for suggestions.
But if it is serious, and it can be when there are several signs, and it is confirmed, it may be time to consult a Good Attorney specailizing in male or female clients.

Here are the Signs:

Your spouse or lover:

  1. Has opportunity to be around the opposite sex (or same sex if you suspect same sex behavior) in real life or on-line
  2. Has shown more or less interest in talking about sex or intimate matters lately or during the beginning of the time you suspect the affair was going on. The only conversation may be about basics such as dinner.
  3. Has shown more or less interest in spending intimate or sexual time with you lately. (Make exceptions for persons working longer hours if you know the company demands such for sure. Make exception for persons having problems with health or a relative or other significant problems)
  4. Takes more interest in his/her appearance and clothing at certain times.
  5. More time at the gym or exercise, and possibly improved diet
  6. Sleeping more sometimes
  7. More concerned about breath. Mints, gum, freshener with them always.
  8. Becomes defensive or changes the subject if infidelity or affairs comes up. May say "I need my space" or "I need my own time"
  9. Doesn’t want to go anywhere with you lately (this can happen for other reasons)
  10. Doesn’t want to argue or fight with you. (this may be because you argue too much)
  11. Seems generally more secretive, short tempered, distant or defensive.
  12. Picks fights over small things or other behaviors to get you to leave the house. Or sets up appointments for you or gets you together with a friend or relative.
  13. Becomes more secretive with cell phone and maybe acquires a phone card or pager.
  14. Unexplained charges on bank statements such as uncommon location of gas station.
  15. Unusual mileage on car, either higher or lower than expected.
  16. Has one or more times each week or two where three hours or more are unaccounted.
  17. His or her or your closest friends (friend) avoid you or avoid(s) talking to you or act(s) embarrassed or spend(s) more time with you than usual
  18. Has in the last year or months before the suspected affair expressed an interest in other people of the opposite sex and perhaps even joked about or suggested a "threesome" or some unusual sexual behavior which you do not prefer. (This alone should not raise much suspicion. It is common for partners to have fantasies or disagree on some aspects of sex.)
  19. Some neighbor or friend of yours or his (of your sex) has been spending more or less time around you or your house, or around your lover).
  20. Has shown more or less interest in sex than usual (allow for tiredness or worry or other stress as mentioned before)
  21. Has occasionally awakened you at odd hours of the early morning getting in or out of bed.
  22. Asks about your schedule or itinerary more often than usual.
  23. Clothes smell unusual or have stains.
  24. Unusual items in ashtrays or car seat. Changes in position of passenger seat of car
  25. Have you found condoms or Viagra hidden when these were not used before?
  26. Insisting some acquaintance is "just a friend"
  27. Has spent unusual time or odd hours on the internet, typically near bed time or later. (exceptions are programmers, gamers, researchers and stock market traders and the like). May be accompanied by more clicking when you come near.
  28. More or secret email accounts (such as Hotmail) (may need investigator help here)
  29. Is more often unreachable by phone.
  30. Hang up calls or someone saying they have the wrong number (not unusual anyway)
  31. Hiding of cell phone, telephone or credit card statements
  32. Accuses you of something such as cheating to deflect the questions.
  33. Spends too much time with or seems too friendly with neighbor, kids or teens (even your own, particularly step-children), quick to be available to "drive them home" or watch them while you're gone.
    (See our section on Sexual Abuse allegations.)
  34. Reduction of planning and talk about your future together.
  35. Errands take much longer than they should
  36. Doing things they never did much before (shopping, taking care of kids, etc)
  37. Buying expensive flowers or gifts for no apparent reason or occasion
  38. Too many visits to "friends" (or, this may just be true)

Always be cautious that many of these could, even several together, in some circumstances, not actually prove anything.

On the other hand, you may be avoiding the truth, which is not uncommon too.

If you are an abuse victim, you may require professional assistance and counseling. Many web sites and support organizations exist for victims of abuse. Many spouses are subject to emotional abuse or manipulation, such as passive-aggressive behavior or casting guilt upon the other party (you). A third party can be helpful.

It is likely better if your investigator attempts direct observation of cheating rather than you base accusations on two or three unusual behaviors. You could be wrong. Also, a direct confrontation with the other lover can lead to behavior or violence you may deeply regret. It is usually a good idea to allow a little time and counseling before confrontation with them, if ever.

If you suspect involvement with someone underage, this could be very serious, or an innocent friendship. Some adolescents simply seek close friendship or a place to go. Some adults enjoy being helpful friends for young people. You need to be well-informed and educated about child development and behaviors that may simply be developmental. For example, major hormonal changes at puberty in adolescents can cause major behavioral changes and extreme behaviors, particularly emotional instability, rebellion, lies, bragging or flirting. Flirting is not uncommon. If this suspicion came up just after some big family fight of a teenager showing much rebellion and statements about hating living at their home, consider some caution. They may simply be their wanting to be away from home. Don't jump to ANY conclusions. If there appears flirting with your spouse,it's probably a great time to observe very carefully, perhaps set some recording (if legal in your area) and NOT ALLOW the spouse to be alone with the developing adolescent,even if it means hiring a sitter,pretending to be a maid-helper service.

On the other hand, affairs with teens or molestation of even younger may occur. (Insisting on driving the baby-sitter, or children home and picking up groceries at the same time, etc). You may be wise to stop the opportunity or flirting before it develops into a sexual affair or worse. Don't rely on trust alone, but don't go wild with suspicions. You should educate yourself and POSSIBLY seek the advice of an expert (they report to authorities).

A competent investigative company can help educate you and provide some guidance or suggestions. If you suspect activity that may involve a minor, it is likely a good idea to be careful and very brief and mostly ask questions when discussing such matters with others. Any professional (counselor,polygrapher) MUST report suspicions or statements of abuse to law enforcement. Your questions on an unproven matter can turn into warrants and arrests in a HURRY.

Such are possibly legal matters and a good lawyer should possibly be consulted if it appears this matter could become a formal criminal charge or civil case supported by evidence. Serious criminal charges can arise from facts of a civil cases, such as divorce.

If there may be illegal activity or a possible divorce, you need expert advice and suggestions and checklists. You may also need suggestions and checklists on how to choose and deal with a lawyer from people with experience and knowledge.


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